Self-Care & Change
Welp, even during a pandemic, life still happens. Fast. Responsibilities require time, children need to be homeschooled, and bills need to be paid. The stress, the worries, and all the feelings still arise, maybe even more now. Schedules have been turned upside down, and routines have become unrecognizable. Change can be scary.
Somewhere in all that, “me” time got lost. That inner scream seeking silence, sanity, and peace was being pushed down. I found it surfacing in unhealthy ways: anxiety, anger, frustration, and feeling overwhelmed. I was no longer functioning well as a parent, partner, friend, student—basically, as a human being! It was time to bring out the big gun: self-care. For me, self-care looks like baking, meditation, exercise, interacting with friends and my kids, Netflix, and DIY projects around the house to keep my hands and mind busy.
The thought of ripping up old carpeting seemed exhausting, too involved, and maybe even a bit scary. Change, at a time when nothing seems the same anymore. Maybe change isn’t a good idea? But perhaps that’s just my fear and need to hold onto something familiar? I gathered the tools needed, dragged my exhausted, unmotivated, and tired body to the room, and turned on my music to uplift me. I began.
Well, will ya' look at that! The carpet is over a decade old. It’s been through so much. It was laid down years ago as part of an old dream and need. Over the years, it served its purpose. It’s been crawled on, walked on, danced on, laughed on, cried on—LIVED on! It’s had its accidents and messes. I’ve worked hard to clean it, but some stains just won’t go away. It didn’t occur to me to replace or remove it. We work with what we have and become comfortable with our messes. Comfortable with finding ways to clean them, restore them. But now, I see what I can no longer ignore: sometimes, you need to weigh the pros and cons of where your effort is being put. It’s work to pull up a carpet with my bare hands! I’m sweating, my muscles ache, and it’s sad to say goodbye to an old chapter in my life. But I’m working to reveal the beautiful new flooring I had all this time underneath it! A new floor waiting for its first steps and new memories.
I’m finding myself oddly grateful for the need and call to care for myself. Through doing so, I not only kept myself busy, but I also discovered that there was something in the stillness waiting for me to stir it up and change it. I took a scary moment and seized it to get out of my comfort zone. Through self-care, we find our truth. Sometimes, we lose our way to find our way.
Yes, change can be scary. But what needs are you pushing down within you? Whatever is pushed down or kept in can lead to anxiety, stress, or anger. So, what does your self-care look like? Are you carving out time to implement it into your life? What have you been putting off, and what have you been afraid to let go of? Find that “old carpet” in your life that no longer serves you. Maybe it’s a relationship, your job, or a habit. You never know what gem lies beneath, just waiting for you.